“You Were Born With an Asshole, You Don’t Need Chuck”- Wisdom from NIGHT OF THE COMET

Welcome to 1984, one of the greatest years in science fiction movie-making. Tonight we bring you NIGHT OF THE COMET, the story of teenage sisters who survive the apocalypse and make a few friends along the way.  If it wasn’t for the killer zombies and the vampire geniuses obsessed with blood it wouldn’t be so bad, and even still its a damn good time.

Picture it: Christmastime, Los Angeles, early 80’s. Adding to the usual festivities of the season is a 100-year comet about to fly by Earth, and everyone is going to be outside to watch the skies as it passes. Only it turns out the comet brings death, doom, and destruction – almost everyone is destroyed immediately as the comet collides with Earth, while others slowly turn into the walking dead. Regina (Catherine Mary Stewart) and Samantha (Kelli Maroney) are sisters that survive the wrath of the comet by being inside steel structures at the time of the landing, i.e. not giving a shit. They head out in search of other survivors and find Hector (Robert Beltran) hiding out at a sweet top-of-the-line 80’s radio station. The trio teams up to survive, but their ability to fight and outwit are put to the test when an underground group of exposed, so-called geniuses (led by Geoffrey Lewis and Mary Woronov) locates them and wants to use their untainted blood to save themselves.

First point - this movie is totally cool. Part of it is the attitude – snarky and sarcastic, dismissive of authority and action-packed. Part of it is the futuristic look as only the 80’s could imagine it. Modern places like the radio station and the mall (a required backdrop for some of the best zombie movies EVER) are filled with glowing neon, glistening lasers, mirrors and glass. But once you leave these safe, familiar places the world goes crazy and the view gets hazy, the colors dampened and dark. Clarity versus uncertainty: fantastic visuals communicate the story alongside the dialogue and make the film a pleasure to look at.

The red haze of the end of the world is best viewed on VHS (our YouTube copy is an original VHS rip.) The apocalyptic red of the world looks like a video game, glitching out on the edges when people walk front if them like what used to happen when the weatherman stood in front of the oncoming storm on the local news back in the day. I love the vibe. These effects are 80’s awesome. They are subtle yet strong and allow your imagination to fill in the blanks while softly complimenting the story. And the framing of scenes makes for kick-ass photography worthy of some of the coolest shots of the decade.

The soundtrack evokes the power of sound in a film. Listen closely (again, on VHS is the best!) and you will hear the echoes of the scenes bouncing off the tall city buildings. As the characters speak their words reverberate through the empty streets, and loud gunshots slap back at you with nothing to stop them. And true to the world of a teenager, the stereo is its own character in the story, its dialogue the songs, the radio station home. The voice of the long-gone DJ is a comforting reminder of the life that once was, an authority long dead but advising from beyond.  The on-going comfort of the 80’s beats help keep us grounded in a reality that is no longer here, but makes you feel a little safer.

But most of all the characters keep me coming back to NIGHT OF THE COMET time and time again. Reg and Sam are fun and easy to love, witty and silly, serious and strong.  I always enjoy the confidence of Catherine Mary Stewart, and Kelli Maroney's performance is especially hilarious with subtle notes of physical comedy that always make me giggle.  Mary Woronov plays for the bad team, and the development of her role in the film is particularly satisfying, I'll leave it to you to find out exactly why...

NIGHT OF THE COMET is about the next generation taking over.  The comet wipes out the old and the youth take charge of the structures and institutions left behind.  This film is like THE OMEGA MAN of the 80's: two teenage girls with automatic weapons training and high heels are the successors to Charlton Heston speeding through the empty street accompanied only by zombies.  This is what makes the 80's great - the next generation of leaders transforming the world into a new place, taking the crap that's left over and using it to rebuild something better than before.

How inspiring, right? 

Now throw in flesh-eating zombies and blood-thirsty vampires, bad-ass guitar riffs, fast cars and big hair and you’ve got yourself a damn fine film.

Check out NIGHT OF THE COMET and other action-packed 80's movies on our YouTube channel, www.youtube.com/OutThereMovies

THE BEACH GIRLS – Like I Was There But Didn’t Get the Free Bag of Pot

Purely a party movie that revolves around a Malibu beach house, a rich uncle, and partying college co-eds celebrating the end of the school year, THE BEACH GIRLS is a classic good time movie with plenty of laughs. No deep thinking necessary, no overly serious moments, and no moral lessons at the end other than HAVE FUN! Just sit back and enjoy the good times!

Our main character of our film is Sarah, a nerdy goody-two-shoes who’s rich uncle is letting her spend the summer at his beautiful beach house. She is intent on not doing anything bad or out of line this summer so OF COURSE she chooses to bring her two slutty, party-gal friends Ginger and Ducky, who pick up a cute hitchhiker along the way. These two start making calls immediately, getting every kid in the phonebook to come join in the party. The house becomes the biggest, greatest party around and the first night is a HUGE hit.

The neighbors, however, catch wind of what is going on and tell the rich uncle’s stuck-up fiance. She wants the party shut down at once, and sends Uncle Carl out to kick everyone out. Sarah is fine with following the rules, but Ginger and Ducky won’t give up their perfect party pad so easily hatch a plan to get Uncle Carl to loosen up, and they sure can be convincing! Meanwhile there are some drug smugglers out in the ocean being chased by the Navy, and the smugglers end up scuttling their cargo, causing garbage bags full of fresh, green pot to wash ashore and spice up the party even more.

Familiar faces in this movie are all over. Fans of ANIMAL HOUSE will be some of the first to be satisfied with the hitchhiker and main character Scott, played by James Daughton but also known as Greg Marmalard. The neighbors who tell on the girls’ party, but eventually join in the fun along with EVERYONE ELSE, are both of note. The husband is played by Beans Morocco (AKA Dan Barrows) who you can also see as “Bobby R,” the mama’s boy looking for a good spanking in EATING RAOUL. His wife is played by Mary Jo Catlett who co-stars in the John Waters film SERIAL MOM alongside Kathleen Turner. Countless other familiar faces abound, if you look closely at the party goers you will see plenty of them. I’ve yet to catch Catherine Mary Stewart, who I’ve always loved in NIGHT OF THE COMET, but she is there as “surfer girl” somewhere! Tell me if you see her…

Something to note about this movie is that the story is really only about 20 minutes long, MAYBE 40 if you really pay attention to all of the characters. With a plot like that you have a LOT of time to spend showing party scenes and elaborating on details that have nothing to do with anything other than having an amazing party or maximizing the amount of nudity and slapstick jokes. If the story was taken more seriously we wouldn’t have the Mexican gardener character, who is constantly longing to join the party but is afraid to join in, and has a series of mishaps on the sidelines. And it wouldn’t be an 80’s movie without a Japanese character doing karate, which also freaks out the Navy guys when they storm the beach looking for the missing pot. THE BEACH GIRLS is basically a neat party idea where everything works out in the end, doubled in length by hi-jinks, nudity, dancing and corny jokes. It makes for a truly enjoyable time, one where you want to jump in the pool right with the characters. And since you are watching the movie at home and probably not 18 you can get naked if you want and nobody needs to know.

The cool thing about this movie is I turned it on thinking it was going to be awful. I was surprised that not only was it a blast to watch, but it kept my attention the entire time. The jokes were funny, unique background characters bring the party to life, and the development of the story was done well so that I was actually interested in seeing what would happen. For a movie like this where there really isn’t much to think about, I found myself really engaged with the characters and rooting for the party to go on. I was never bored, it was fun and engaging and made me feel good, like I had a little party of my own. And like I wanted to go score some 80’s pot.

This film is a blast! Watch it with a bowl of popcorn on a day when you’ve had enough of adult life and just want to have a good time. It will rub off on you ;)

Check out this and other Summer Beach Party movies on our YouTube channel, www.youtube.com/OutThereMovies

EATING RAOUL - The Best Movie You've Never Seen

BONK!

If you haven’t seen this movie yet, your life is not complete. You cannot die. Well, plenty of people have died without seeing this movie, but let’s say that isn’t really living. EATING RAOUL is the most uplifting, inspiring story of murderers/stalkers/cannibals ever told. If you’ve ever been passed over for a promotion, ignored by someone who you were working extra hard for, or thought “why them and not me?” then this is a film you will love. Sex, drugs and full-frontal nudity run rampant and the good guys prevail thanks to the party.

This film is the introduction of Paul and Mary Bland, characters reprised in numerous movies over the following decade, but I’ll leave those to you to identify in the comments below. The Blands are an uptight and old fashioned couple living in the swinging 80’s in L.A. Everyone they see is sexually perverse and every bit revolting to the straight-laced couple. But like anyone in Hollywood they dream big, they wish to one day open their own restaurant in the suburbs. Ahh, the trees, living above the store: real small town life Gilmore Girls style. 

Sounds great except the Blands don’t have any money. They can’t pay the bills and their jobs suck, they work their asses off all day while the swingers get high and screw and have money falling out of whichever orifice they prefer that evening. It isn’t until Mary is attacked by a swinger and Paul hits him over the head with a frying pan that they see just how they can get the money for their dream – at the expense of “horrible, sex-crazed maniacs no one in the world would miss...” With help from their friend Doris the Dominatrix the Blands learn their way around the world of kink, and Raoul swoops in to add the final piece of the puzzle; what does a nice young couple do with their victim’s body after they have looted it? Raoul has some friends that are in the market for just such an item...

So look, if you dream of something you don’t have yet, this movie will resonate with you. Maybe you’ll be upset they thought of the idea first, but no one carries cash anymore anyway so the idea needs some tweaking, maybe Apple Pay. The Blands are painfully proper but anyone can relate to their situation as they work towards their dream. The more angry and upset they get, the harder things seem to get. But their opportunity comes, like it will for all of us! They get to profit from the scum of the earth they have such disdain for, and they loosen up a bit in the process. You would never guess you’d see these two stiffs at a rich swingers party in the Hollywood Hills, but you will (WARNING: NUDITY!).

One thing I really enjoy about this movie other than the vengeful story line is the set design. The Blands’ apartment is decked out 50’s style, with mother’s furniture, retro mirrors and pillars of cacti. Their double beds give them the space they both seek, but best is the stuffed wine bottle that Paul sleeps with. Paul Giamatti’s character in SIDEWAYS probably has the same one and clutches it with the same love and adoration. The x-rays in the background while Mary and Raoul have their fling are easy to miss at first, and even harder to see at the swinger’s party over the fireplace in their fancy artwork form, but they are there. The artwork in the Bland apartment as they become more comfortable with their sexuality, and a little more greedy, changes also, along with the flourishes they use for each client they go out of their way to please before bopping over the head and disposing of the body via Raoul and his friends at the Doggy King dog food factory.

EATING RAOUL is one of my favorite movies of all time. The story is a feel-good, heartwarming tale of success, overcoming the obstacles of life to achieve your biggest goals, and doing it as a team, a husband and wife together. Aww, how cute. But in this day and age you can’t do anything by being nice. You have to be calculating, purposeful, and a little greedy. The Blands learn that the sexually liberated people they hate the most are actually the people who will make their goals possible, and if they use their brains their dreams will come true.

Hey, if I could be rich and sit by my pool and order drinks delivered to me all day, and all I had to do was hit a bunch of my worst enemies in the head with a frying pan, I would call it a pretty fair trade, wouldn’t you?

P.S. - Why is it called EATING RAOUL? You’ll never know if you don’t watch the film all the way to the end!

Check out this and other black comedies on our YouTube Channel: youtube.com/outtheremovies